There is no turning back time, no forgetting how much he meant to you
by carsareawesome
Summary: Terminator 3: Judgement Day. When John meets the Terminator that looked so much like his old protector, he begins to realise how much his Terminator meant to him, and as John remembers how he died, John realises that the Terminator only left as a final act to protect him.


**John's POV**

The last person – or robot I would have expected to come across in the animal hospital was the Terminator. Even though I had never expected Judgement Day to happen, it was a shock to find the robot that had been the closest thing to a father I ever had walking in front of me.

I mean, for starters, he was supposed to be dead. I had seen it too, in front of my own eyes, when my whole world had turned upside down and my mother and I had survived. We had thought Cyberdyne was finished. But the Terminator had said that there was one more chip, and that he had to be destroyed. I had seen him sink into the steel, and die.

But he was here, right in front of my eyes.

In a harsh, emotionless voice, he said, "John Connor. It is time."

I had not seen him since I was ten. Though my memories were vague, his voice was unfeeling and uncaring, a voice that I did not recognise. It was as if he did not know me. And why did he say my surname? I mean, we had known each other, and he had always been there to protect me. But my mind was still reeling. Judgement Day should never have come. So why was he back? I remembered what my mother had said.

_The unknown future rolls on, towards us, but this time, I face it with a sense of hope. If a machine, a Terminator, can understand the value of a human life, maybe we can, too. _

But Judgement Day would still happen.

I calmed myself and looked up into his face. "Do you even remember me?" I asked, still clinging on to the one last bit of hope that the Terminator, the T-800 would still be there to care for and protect me, like he had done all those years ago.

He did not say anything; just looked at me. I tried again, still wanting to believe that one, last, futile hope that my Terminator was still there, coming back for me, that it was not destroyed. He had come back. I knew it. "Sarah Connor? Blowing up Cyberdyne? Hasta-la-vista baby? Ring any bells?"

The Terminator looked at me again. "That was a different T-"

There was a long silence. It was as if somebody had punched me in the face. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. I had believed that my Terminator had come back for me, that it would still be there, that it still would learn from me, play games with me. But now, I had to accept that he was gone.

Everything we had done together, everything we had gone through, everything was only a distant memory. Despite having been in those dark times, what with a T-1000 trying to kill me, the Terminator had protected my mother and me. _No fate. There is no fate but what we make it. _I remembered the game of hi-five we had played; all the phrases that I had taught him; even the alias that I had given him: Uncle Bob. But those times would stay as memories.

My mother, Sarah, had died of leukaemia, and I had felt more alone than ever. But right until her death, she had wanted to make sure that Judgement Day would not happen and that I would be safe. And now she was gone too. Dead.

I had seen my Terminator as a father figure, partly because I never knew my father, and he had always been able to make time for me, and that he would never leave me. But in a way, he had. Everyone that I had ever cared for was gone. My life before the Terminator was like a part of someone else's life, and now, with no one I cared for, I was hiding from all the robots that would try to kill me. But not my Terminator.

I had thought he would come back for me. I felt a tear leak down my face, and I turned away to hide it, turning away from the machine that looked so much like my father figure. It felt the same, that tear, the same, because I guess I felt I was losing him again, like that day when he had died.

_Flashback:_

_The Terminator was in a wrecked state. With my help, he limped over to the edge of the steel and looked in. "Terminated," he said. I had begun to think of this machine as a 'he', because I had grown to care for him. He had always been there for me. I looked down at the steel, and I felt almost faint; the heat rising up from it made me feel sick. _

_My mother breathed out. "It's finally over." I realised that she was not talking about the terminated T-1000, but talking about Cyberdyne, Skynet, and Judgement Day. _

"_No," The Terminator said, giving a slight shake of his head, "There is one more chip." He raised his working hand and pressed his finger to the side of this head. "And it must be destroyed also." He turned away from Sarah and bent down, picking up a rectangular remote that was slightly bigger than his hand. He handed it to her. "Here," he said. "I cannot self-terminate. You must lower me into the steel." My mother met his eyes and took it. _

_I could not stop myself. I ran round, towards him, blocking him from the chains leading to the steel. "No," I whispered, then yelled louder, "No!"_

_The Terminator tried to move past me. "I'm sorry, John," he said, stepping to one side, but I continued to block his way. _

"_No!" I gasped, hearing my voice break from the sadness I felt as I screamed for him to stay. _

_He looked down at me. "Sorry," he repeated again, and attempted to move past me. I stayed put, refusing to let him die._

"_NO!" I yelled, before lowering my voice and attempting to reason with him. I should have known that when a Terminator makes its mind up, there is no persuading it to turn back. But, like now, I clung on to that last hope. "It'll be okay. Stay with us; it'll be okay," I begged, my voice growing hoarse from the screaming and pleading. But I did not care._

"_I have to go away."_

_I held on to his jacket and tried to shake him as much as I could; but he was so much taller than me, and he was made of metal. I needed to shake some sense into him, to make him realise that he didn't need to kill himself to stop Judgement Day. "No! Don't do it! Please... don't go!"_

_The robot took my hands away from his jacket and pushed them away, moving me aside. "I must go away, child," he said. I watched, in despair, as he took hold of the chain that would take him down to the steel, and kill him. "No! No! No, wait! You don't have to do this!" I pleaded, yet again, in my desperation to save him from death. _

"_Sorry," he said, yet again, but I did not believe that he was apologising, because he was going against my will. I hated him for doing this, but I hated myself far more. _

"_No!" I pleaded again. "Don't do it; don't go!"_

_The Terminator looked back in my direction, his red cyborg eye fixed in my direction. He looked eerily inhuman, but he was very much human, in my mind. But he would obey my orders, right? Maybe pleading was not enough. I had to order him to stay with me – and my mom, too. _

_I ran in front of him, trying to stop him reaching the steel. "I order you not to go! I order you not to go!" I yelled at him, hoping that he would turn back. My voice cracked, again, and I broke down. I started to cry. "I order you not to go!" I said, but quieter now; it was almost a whisper, but it reverberated around the empty furnace. _

_I felt a gloved hand gently wipe away my tears, and I looked up to find the Terminator there, still with that creepy, emotionless look on his face, but yet I could sense the care in that vacant, red eye. "I know now why you cry," he said. "But it is something that I can never do."_

_I sobbed harder and put my arms around him, hugging him close to me. I didn't want him to leave. The machine turned round once more and shook hands with Sarah. Then he grasped hold of the chain and stepped off the platform, moving away from me. Another tear leaked down my face, as I continued to cry. _

"_Goodbye."_

_Sarah pushed the button, but continued to look at him as the Terminator I had considered to be my father descended towards the steel. I cried harder as he went down into the steel and his exoskeleton flesh burned away, and even the metal underneath did too. His hand was still holding the chain. I could no longer see his face, but I knew he was still alive, but not for long, as his fingers let go off the chain, and curled together, giving me a final thumbs-up. I remembered how I had taught him that. A final goodbye to me. I watched as even his hand sunk downwards, and burnt in the steel. There was nothing left. He had gone. _

_But my mind still hung on to that final image of the final goodbye, the thumbs-up he had given me to say farewell. _

_End of flashback_

I looked back at this new Terminator, the last remnant of hope crushed inside me. In an attempt to make some sort of feeble joke, I said, "Man, now I have to teach you everything again."

But yet, this could not quench the pain I felt inside. I did not show it, but my emotions were raging an unstoppable war inside me. I knew that one day, I would reprogram _my _Terminator to protect the younger version of myself, and maybe on that day, I could look at him, and remember the memories that we had shared together – and with Sarah, too. But on that day, I would remember these memories, yet know that my Terminator could not share them with me, and that he would never be brought back again.

I looked into the future, sealing the past and my memories behind me. But I could not quite forget how he died, and that he died, leaving me, but as a final act to protect me from Judgement Day. And my mother had said that too. The Terminator – my Terminator would die protecting me. And he had.

But, no matter what, my Terminator would never, ever come back for me.


End file.
